it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Randomize
