i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
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