just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
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