you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
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