Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
Randomize
