Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
Liz is crying about burritos again.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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