fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
