just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
Randomize