so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
Randomize