Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
