It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
Randomize
