Dude my mom stole all your condoms
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
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