woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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