I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
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