Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
it glows. i had to have it.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
Randomize
