I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
