"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
I want a musical about memes.
Randomize
