can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
Randomize
