I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
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