Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
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