That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Randomize
