You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
