Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
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