When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
