The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
