when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
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