So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
