just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
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