These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
Randomize
