Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Randomize
