I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
