Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
