He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
Randomize
