like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
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