I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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