ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
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