Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize