like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
Randomize
