I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
Randomize