it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
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