I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Randomize
