marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
my shit smells like andre
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
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