no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
