like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
Randomize