im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
Randomize
