Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
