Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
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