Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
