So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
There r osticjed everywhere
then he tried to convert me to islam
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
