I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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