i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
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