my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
