good thing vaginas are great cup holders
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
