All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize