i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Randomize
