i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
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