some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
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