And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
Randomize
