He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
Randomize
