The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
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