the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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