seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
Randomize
