Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
Randomize