She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
Randomize
