i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
worst night to have a conscience
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
Randomize